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How to
Disagree Better
Tips to Help Youth
Disagree Better
Only 45% percent of West Chester teens believe that their parents would think it was “very wrong” if they picked a fight with someone. Why does this matter? Research shows that when kids feel they have direct or indirect permission to break small rules, they are more likely to break bigger ones, like using addictive substances. We want to help by by providing tools to learn how to better manage disagreements inside and outside of the home.
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Be Clear about your Values
Science shows that youth’s perception of parental attitudes toward picking a fight (physically or verbally) impacts their likelihood of engaging in high-risk behavior. The difference in a child’s perceptions of wrong versus very wrong makes all the difference. When our values are clear, there’s no confusion and our kids outcomes are better.
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Talk Fairly about Others
When disagreements trigger strong emotional and physical reactions, they can cloud our judgment and prevent us from seeing others as fellow humans with their own hopes, dreams, and challenges. Anger and hate can distort our perspective, leading us to view people as obstacles rather than individuals. This shift fuels animosity, fear, and conflict. To counter this, we must pause, reflect, and consciously choose to prioritize people over problems by being still, noticing emotional cues, and responding with compassion.Judgement of others by parents translates into self-doubt in youth.
Recognize Fear as a Factor
Change or differences can cause fear. This natural human response creates false narratives about situations and people. (ie – Our world is ending because… the other person/team/leader made a decision I disagree with). We help kids flourish when we examine our fears and help them examine their own rationally.
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Know your Influence
We all make mistakes. Let your kids know you see your own mistakes and learn from them. Research shows that parental influence is a significant factor in outcomes for young people. Parents need to walk the talk because adult behavior is how kids learn.
Disagreements are Not Bad
Differences and disagreements aren’t inherently negative; when approached thoughtfully, they can lead to growth, innovation, and stronger relationships. Learning to navigate disagreements constructively allows us to better understand others and find positive outcomes together.
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Stay Calm
When we perceive something as threatening or unfair, the emotional part of our brain is easily triggered. This activates a stress response: adrenaline surges, the heart pumps faster, breathing quickens, and muscles tense. Once this reaction begins, it’s like a snowball rolling downhill—quickly growing larger and harder to control. Practice staying calm through breathing exercies, take a break, or imagine a peaceful place.
Download Tips to Disagree Better
Differences and disagreements are a natural part of life—and they should be! When handled constructively, disagreements can lead to positive growth and new possibilities. To achieve these outcomes, we must learn to disagree without being destructive, mean, or hateful. By striving to understand others’ perspectives and preferences, we can foster more respectful and civil conversations, ultimately seeing the person behind the problem. Disagreeing better is a skill we can all develop!